Muddy (Half) Marathon

This thing was advertised as a trail race. There was no trail and it wasn't a race -- it was a survival test. The course was a 6.55 mile loop. The half version started along with the quarter marathon relay teams (everyone on the relay started at the same time and times were added). There were quite a lot of people.

The course turned out to be something like this...

Mile 1 -- From the start slightly downhill through the park and then steep downhill through grass and into the woods. Though not exactly -- it was really into the stream bed. Ankle deep water. Knee deep water. Ankle deep mud. Mid-calf deep mud. For a good distance. Then back onto a "trail" (all of the "trail" sections turn out to be very steep -- either steep up or steep down) and back towards the start where you climb up the back of a decades-old 40-foot high compost heap.

Mile 2 -- Back into the woods. Various terrain. Lots of rocks. Some stream beds. Second half is almost all up to the first aid station (in a sane event this is called a water stop).

Mile 3 -- Along a high trail then down through the woods and some boulder fields. The highlight of this mile is the rock climb. 80-feet (or so -- hard to judge, really) up a rock wall. When you get to the top you see that there is another section to go. Nice. Up until this point the trail was a big single file parade for the most part. The wall climb spreads everybody out. Most aren't in that much of a hurry any more.

Miles 4 & 5 -- Lot's of downhill scrambling through boulder strewn woods and uphill slogging (walking, really) up steep trails. Oh -- and some muddy stream beds, of course. This ends back at the aid station.

Mile 6 -- Starts off with a long downhill section on an actual trail. But then heads into a stream bed -- for a long time. Half a mile? Seems like it. And then it gets really interesting. A grassy. muddy bog with nearly knee-deep shoe-sucking mud. Seems like another half-mile of this. Must have been only a couple hundred yards though.

Last 0.55 Mile of 6.55 Mile Loop -- The end of the mud field and then back up the steep grassy hill we came down at the start. Walking, of course. Then jogging wen it flattens out back to the start/finish area.

First loop for me -- 1:48. Which beat the two hour time limit per loop. If you took more than 2 hours for any loop you got an official DNF. So now the question was: call it a day because am pretty exhausted and that first loop was actually fun or do the second one for no other reason than I was foolish enough to sign up for the half instead of the quarter. I see a guy who looks like every step is shooting giant needles of pain through his whole body. You doing another, I ask him, rhetorically. Sure, he says, let's go. So off we go.

The cramps start in on the rock wall climb. Inner thighs are the first to go. At one point I'm afraid I'm going to fall over backwards off the wall. I manage to haul myself up using mostly arms. Navigating the long downhill rock scramble every step on a non-smooth rock brings on a foot/arch cramp -- though the next step usual ends it or at least moves it to a different spot. I make it to the 5-mile aid station with 24 minutes to go to make the 2-hour cutoff for the second loop. Bad news, though -- the aid station is out of aid. Specifically, they are out of water. I've been downing pretty much my whole 3-liter pack between every stop. This is a problem. By the time I get to the final stream bed every step is an adventure. Every slip on a submerged rock causes tensing and cramping. In the mud field I can barely stand. Every step requires pulling your foot out of the mud with tremendous force and, of course, causes a cramp. I'm afraid that if a fall down (which I almost do, numerous times) I'll never be able to get back up. Somehow I get through the mud. I start walking up the last long hill. I cramp. I walk backwards for a while to use different muscles. Those cramp. I walk sideways to the left fro a bit. Cramp. Sideways to the right. Forward, again. Backward. Left. Right. I'm pretty dizzy but I make it to the top. A start to "jog". It's a couple hundred yards of swinging stiff legs out and around enough that some forward motion is produced. I finally cross the finish line and stop with hands on knees and both legs totally cramp. There are a whole bunch of people there. No one says a word. No one asks if I need anything. No one offers me some water. That last mile and a half took me 24 minutes - per mile. 2:12 for the second loop. I'm an official DNF.